Beginnersí Guide to Croquet
Compiled by the Secretary of the Much Myssing Croquet Club
Average age of our members.
Popular and profitable (see Teas).
Large excitable crowd Ė not relevant to this club.
Error by the Treasurer, who never really got the hang of the internet.
Allowed for in the constitution, but in practice never held (see Volunteers).
Note to self: investigate possibility of grant.
Essential component of any club (see Tea, Volunteers).
Note to self: who else knew that Iíd lost the AGM minutes?
A player it is unwise to beat.
My opponentís ball regularly just manages this.
Urgent note to self: speak to groundsman before my next game.
Usually occurs when lined up for a perfect rush down the lawn to Hoop 1
Looks like a diagram from a coaching session. Either a wide split shot from near the boundary or a jump shot against a hoop upright. I wouldnít attempt either of these.
Something this club has a lot of.
Something this club hasnít got a lot of.
My opponent leaves a ball at my hoop and another in the middle, then I miss a short roquet.
Apparently the CA Patron, although Iíve never seen her at this club.
Iíve just remembered Iím supposed to be at the dentist at two oíclock.
I thought we had a visitor once, a couple of weeks ago, but he turned out to be a VAT inspector.
Essential component of any club (see Grass, Volunteers). A good money-spinner.
The direction my handicap has steadily been going, and where the subscriptions are also going to have to go.
Essential component of any club (see Grass, Tea). Note to self: try to find some.
Weíre going to have to replace the wiring soon, but a lift? With £200 in the bank?
Looks like a voting slip but I donít remember ever having a committee election. Could be from when we were going to remove the birdsí nest from the ladiesí toilets and that RSPB guy objected.
Yellow attracts bees. Note to self: choose the dark colours when near a flowerbed.
Distracting bee noise (see Yellow) or someone asleep (see Advanced).
Submitted by Liz Potter (Cheltenham)